Crucial Conversations
At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information. People openly and honestly express their opinions, share their feelings and articulate their ideas. Views, even those that are controversial or unpopular are shared and discussed with open and trusting dialogue.
Start with Heart
Often when we find ourselves drawn into a difficult or challenging conversation, without conscious thought, our pulse quickens our breathing may become shallow and our emotions will flow with the chemical tide in our bodies. Our main concern will become proving we are right or winning the argument.
Once you recognize the shifting desires of your heart and your motives; stop and ask yourself these questions. What do I really want for myself? What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the relationship? Once you have answered these then ask yourself. How would I behave if I really wanted these results?
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
Learn to Look
When caught up in a difficult conversation we may not be able to see what’s going on and why. When a discussion starts to become stressful, we often end up doing the exact opposite of what works. We turn to the less healthy components of our style under stress.
Make it Safe
When there is a risk that others may move to silence or violence step out of the conversation to make it safe. Restore safety then move back into the issue and establish mutual purpose and respect.
Apologize when appropriate and make it clear what you don’t intend and what you do intend.
Master my Stories
When faced with conflict or difficulty we are often ‘hooked’ by self-defeating emotions thoughts or behaviours.
Notice your behaviour and get in touch with your feelings what emotions or stories are encouraging you to act in this way. Analyze these stories and get back to the facts.
